I was told once by a practitioner, "Try to emerge gently from matter into spirit."  And, I remember leavin' his office thinking, "What the hell does that mean??? Is he crazy?"  I mean, do you think the catepillar went into the caccoon knowing he would emerge gently into an entirely new species? I don't think so! Once he got in there, he was problee' saying, "What the hell is this? It feels like every cell in my body is mutating! I'm dyin', man ! Lemme outta here!"  But, alas, the universal law of mutation replies, " Oh. Sorry, Bud...cain't help you...once you're in that cocoon, there's only one way out...to mutate and fly."  

And, so it seems with spiritual wrestlings. I ask you... are you the same person you were 10 or even 5 years ago? I look back at who I was when I was married and think, "Damn! Who was she? Why did she put up with that? I cain't believe she believed that!"  As if that "she" wasn't "me", at all! When I look back at the old me... it seems like I've mutated into some new version of myself...a more, I don't know... complex version. But, what changed , exactly? Yeah...there's been some physical changes...some unwanted wrinkles I'd like to have ironed out...but, what seems to have taken the greatest leaps or mutations...is my...for lack of a better word...understanding of who I am...my spiritual identity.

Now, we get into the murky area... where I begin to feel like I'm trying to understand who I am as a  butterfly by usin'my catepillar brain. What IS Spirit, anyway? (...yes, I think I should capitalize it!)I'm sure it's  an absolutely  real entity, ‘cause it's certainly driven me nuts through the years! And, once Spirit gets ahold of you?...there ain't no goin' back ! You can piss and moan and  git drunk and raise hell...and it don't mean a thing to Spirit. Ya'll are ONE. The dawg dies, your Daddy dies, your marriage dies, your career dies...but, Spirit never leaves. So, here we are...or should I say "here we is." Cause, the older I git, the more the line of demarcation between us seems to blur.

Spiritual identity seemed  a lot easier when there was that nice separation between me and God/ Spirit...little ol' mortal me here,  and God and the Baptist church over there. And, if somethin' went wrong, all I had to do was  pray to that wrathful, powerful, judgmental God/ Spirit outside myself for everything. And, lo and behold, if it showed up, I knew that he (God was always a "He") was watchin' over me and I must have been a good little girl. 

Then, came the Methodist church...now, there was still the separation, and God was still powerful, but he'd lost a lot of his nasty wrath.(Some of God's "sheness" creeped into the scenario) Next, came the Christian Science church. You see, I'd had a healing after reading Mrs. Eddy's book and figured I'd check out this version of God. Now, suddenly I could feel the gap between me and Spirit began to dissipate...not because of the church, because, frankly, I  began to realize that them poor folks  had divided Mrs. Eddy's  book, Science and Health,  up into so many tiny parts, until the whole couldn't even be recognized anymore! But, it was her definition of God as infinite Mind/Consciousness and divine Principle, that struck me. Wow...Spirit is a divine Principle .  Now, this started me thinkin'( which is what got me thrown out of the church) ...a scientific Principle must operate through a system, right?... in order to exemplify itself. Hmmmm...could we be this exemplification? Operating out of itself, through Itself, as Itself and for Itself? And, if so...then, we could actually be this "seed within itself" that has the capability of mutating out of itself into something brand new! (This would account for the old and new versions of me.) I mean, at some point in time...that ape had to jump down from the tree...look back at his former brothers and say, "Hey... I'm not one of you anymore. I'm "man!" And, boom! Mutation!  And, if Principle and It's idea (exemplification) is one...then, we ain't two...we're ONE! ...the seamless garment! One infinite Consciousness with states and stages, evolving out of Itself into something brand new! ...Whoa, wait  a minute...if that's the case...then, what am I, we, this new "us-ins" supposed  to do?  To prove? I mean...we gotta be doing something, right? Uh-oh....Would if...Being is doing? Now, what the hell does that mean? I don't know how you just "BE!" Eeww. This feels ...weird. I don't like this...Hey! Lemme outta here! ...Oh, yeah...I forgot..."Sorry, Bud...the only way outta this cocoon is to ...mutate and fly."